Love Letters......

Love letters.  These two words conjure up many visions and emotions, mostly of the romantic kind.  These are the letters from one lover to another expressing devotion, connection and never ending love. Some contain poems, others are sprayed with perfume, and many are sealed with a kiss but all in all, the message is the same, “I love you”.

  In recent years I have stumble upon many different types of love letters.  Not one of them arrived in an envelope, but the message was the same, it was one of love.

 A little over four years ago my Mother-in-law passed.  I must say I am one of the very fortunate people in this world to have two very loving and devoted Mothers; my Mother and my Mother-in-law.  The “in-law” designation is one that society places on the relationship to define the non-blood line connection, but without a doubt, Mom and I are connected!

This is what happened four years ago when I was at Mom’s house for her funeral……

My kids have always been picky or particular eaters.  You could put out a feast, but nothing would appeal to them.  They possessed the chicken nuggets, fries, pizza and grilled cheese type of palets.  So with all of the food dropped by the house, and none of it appealing to my children, I found myself in Mom’s kitchen making my son a grilled cheese sandwich. 

I stood in Mom’s kitchen with Mom’s things, pots, pans, knives, seasonings, cookbooks and utensils. I looked above at her copper bottom pots hanging from the pot rack above and I remembered all of the feasts that she created in them and, in that kitchen.  Mom was a Dietician by trade.  She was a woman nourished our bodies, but more importantly our souls. 

  As much as I was always comfortable in Mom’s house, without her there it seemed wrong.  I must have opened the silverware drawer hundreds of times before, but now I felt as if I was intruding, invading.  It wasn’t right or the same without her there.   Well, nothing was going to be the same.

  I suddenly found myself drawn to the refrigerator, not for its contents, but for the items that decorated the outside.  There were several magnets that held pictures of family, Doctor Appointment reminder cards, pizza delivery options, pictures drawn by her grandchildren and lists of things to do.  However, all that I focused on was a small square magnetic paper holder that served as a depository for notes and miscellaneous items. As I walked over to the refrigerator I was focused on one particular piece of paper in the small magnetic box.  It was about two thirds of the way back.  I pulled it out and opened it.  It must have been from a funeral service for a lost friend or loved one. However, it must have touched Mom so she kept it.  This is what was printed on that piece of paper:

When I am gone, release me, let me go. I have so many things to see and do.

You mustn't tie yourself to me with tears, be happy that we had so many years.

I gave you much love; you can only guess how much you gave to me in happiness.

I thank you for the love you each have shown, but now it's time I traveled on alone.

So grieve a while for me, if grieve you must, Then let your grief be comforted by trust.

It's only for a little while we must part. So bless the memories within your heart.

I won't be far away, for life goes on. So if you need me, call and I will come.

Though you can't see or touch me, I'll be near.

And if you listen with your heart, you'll hear

 All of my love around you soft and clear.

And then, when you must come this way alone, I'll greet you with a smile and "welcome home".

To this day I cannot tell you exactly why I picked to read that piece of paper versus the rest, but I do believe that I was meant to.  Mom wanted me to read it, and I knew I was to be the messenger.  She did not want us grieving.  She was content in her journey.  I shared it with my husband, his brother, sisters and a special niece of Mom’s.  It was a love letter from Mom to all of us…..no envelope necessary.

 Just a few weeks ago Mom sent another love letter.  Once again, I delivered it for her.  Mom’s niece, my husband’s cousin is going through a very difficult time.  Her twenty six year old son’s cancer was recently been labeled terminal.  I cannot imagine what she is going through as she nurses him through this.  I felt as if I needed to write her and lend my support, but I struggled mightily to find the words to do so. After many tears, the words flowed and I sent the message via Facebook. My note opened a dialog between us.  A few Friday nights ago while on Facebook she instant messaged me, this was just the second time since we have been on Facebook that we had a conversation this way.  Our conversation encompassed many feelings and ranges of emotions. 

 At one point I took a quick break and went to my kitchen to pour myself a glass of wine.  At that moment I said “Mom, please help me to find the words that will bring her a sense of comfort.”  I returned to my computer and the conversation continued.  After an hour or so of conversation we sent our love and signed off.  The very moment that we did so, a Facebook friend of mine posted a wall photo.  I stared it in amazement and chills ran through my body from head to toe!  I knew where the message came from and who it was intended for.  See, one thing I did not mention is that my Irish Mother-in-law was one of the strongest women that I have ever known.  She was sending a love letter for her niece.  I quickly attached the wall photo to a message and sent it to her.  I explained that as soon as we finished our conversation this appeared on my wall and I felt that I needed to send it to her.

  Her response was, “I think Peggy just sent that for me………” Yes she did, and…..no envelope required.

  So what do a piece of gum, a discarded piece of aluminum foil and a woodchip have in common? The answer is a love letter.

  I have a friend who was dealing with some difficulties this past fall.  She loves and connects with the image of a heart, especially when found in rocks.  Early in November I went out for a Saturday afternoon walk.  It was nice to get out since the prior week had been so difficult.  We had an unusual and unexpected late October snow storm that left us without power and many downed tree limbs.  This particular Saturday was comfortable and sunny, a perfect day for a walk.

  I ventured out not only to get some exercise, but also to think.  I find that when I walk, I clear my mind of clutter and focus on what is important to me.  My friend was weighing heavy on my mind that day.  I wished that there was some way that I could provide her with some relief and some comfort.  I was just a little over a mile into my walk when I suddenly looked down at the pavement and there it was a piece of gum with a very definite message…..

  I continued along, I had traveled just a hundred yards from the gum and there wedged between the curbing and the road was a discarded piece of aluminum foil.  I stared in disbelief at the shape that was cut from within….yes another message.

 Now I was nearing the end of my journey I was grateful for the messages that I had received and I knew that I would be forwarding them to my friend. Three miles into the walk and coming close to completion I once again I felt the need to look down and there it was a remnant from the prior week’s storm clean up; a woodchip with a message.

 Upon my return home I composed an e-mail to my long distance friend and included the picture of the gum, the aluminum foil and the woodchip. Once again I was the messenger delivering another love letter, with no envelope required.

 Just two weeks ago I received my own love letter, and no the postman did not deliver it.  As much as possible I try to use my lunch hours to get outside and take a walk.  It is not always easy to do, but when I can I find that this “recess” time renews and refreshes me. 

 It was a clear and sunny but equally cold and extremely windy, but I had the opportunity to get outside and that I did.  I was about eight minutes into my lunchtime walk the wind was whipping at my back and piercing my body.  I thought “Umm, not happening today, turn around and go back.” But this time I did not listen. I continued along my two mile trek.  As cold as it was, (and I do not like the cold) I found it very refreshing and more importantly, mind clearing.

 Refreshed but ready to warm up I rounded the final corner of my journey to decent back to the warm office.  However, as I did if felt compelled to take a picture, so I stopped, removed my glove and readied my cell phone.  I took the picture, put my glove back on my cold hand and took two more steps.  But I then again felt as if I needed to take another picture.  So I removed my glove, readied the cell phone and snapped….this is what I captured.

Yes, it was another love letter that was delivered without an envelope or a postage stamp.  This one is from the Universe to all of us. And it is sent with love………

Survivor Walk

   Years back I watched the reality television show “Survivor”.  The final show consisted of the three remaining contestants who were vying for the grand prize.  One of the rituals was for the last three participants to hike a trail of remembrance.  Along the way they would pass the extinguished torches of their former competitors. They would recall each person’s presence, contribution or quirky attributes.   I always loved that segment and the time of reflection.

   Today is the eve of a New Year and while out for my morning walk I found myself on my own “Survivor Walk”.  I was reliving the many moments that occurred during 2011.  Some were poignant, some were happy, a few painful, other were inspiring and then there were the ones that were peaceful and very comfortable.  However in each of these moments contained a lesson.

Here are some of the lessons that I was reminded of this past year…..

Life is full of beginnings and endings…. 

January was a full circle life month for my family.  On January 11^th my sister gave birth to an amazing little boy.  My nephew possesses the bluest eyes, a huge smile and holds so much promise for the future.  There is truly no feeling in this world that compares to cuddling an infant.  They possess the scent of purity, innocence and promise.  Cradling my nephew brought me back to the birth of my children.  Years have a way of fading feelings, but pick up a new born and you are instantly and magically transported back in time to the moment when you first held your own child.

 Our family was doubly blessed on January 12^th when my cousin gave birth to a little girl.

  After these joyous occasions and celebrations of new life, on January 13^th my Grandmother departed this world.  As much as the family was grateful that she did not suffer a prolonged illness, her last few months were that of transitioning. All through her life she had a difficult time expressing it, but my Grandmother possessed much love in her heart.  I thank her for always speaking her mind, sometimes to a fault, but her ability to say what she truly thought was never lost on me.   I am striving to do more of that.

  Life is circular, new beginnings and inevitable endings.  Ebbs and flows.

The Power of Nature……

  The past few years I have been drawn outdoors.  Mother Nature’s theater never seems to disappoint. The show is always spectacular.   During 2011 I have walked many miles admiring the sky, the birds, the trees, the flowers, the sun and the moon. 

  I have listened to our neighborhood owl usher in the new day.

  This past year I have enjoyed many a peaceful kayak paddles along the river and upon the lake.  I have been guided along my journey by a swan and called out by the reflective powers of the Universe. 

  I have sat upon my favorite thinking spot in the world, a rock jetty on a Cape Cod beach and have ponder life while the tide crashed along the rocks and then gently met the shore.

                                     

   One Sunday morning in June I joined a likeminded group of folks and ventured up Black Rock Mountain for a meditative walk.  It was a time to push myself beyond what I thought I could achieve and before you knew it I was standing at the top of the mountain.  The morning sun was shining and I was standing in the spot where the mountains kiss the sky. It is difficult to find the words that adequately express the beauty I witnessed. Suffice it to say, that Sunday morning I attended services in God’s Cathedral.

  I have watched from my window within my warm home as the winter snow blanketed the ground. Her protective coating of white covered all that was within her sight.  The message is clear.  Slow down, relax, remain centered, be peaceful and calm.

Mother Nature has a way of speaking to us.  She keeps us centered and grounded.  Remember to listen….

When you are tired and think you are done for the day… push yourself a bit…….

   Sometimes an invitation arrives after the fact and you just have to respond YES.  This happened a few times to me during 2011.

  One such time this occurred was on July 9^th.  My sister had invited me to a local vineyard for some wine, music and fun.  As tired as I was that day, I said yes.  I packed my car with lawn chairs and bug spray and off I went.  My older sister has always been my guide, my rock and a keeper of my soul.  She spoke for me at an early age and championed me during my latter years. Soon she would be remarrying and moving to another state so I felt this was my opportunity to spend some one on one time together.

  I arrived at the Vineyard first.  I waited in my car for my sister to arrive.  Soon thereafter she did, and she had hoops in hand!  My sister teaches hoop dancing.  For us lay people, this is like doing the hula hoop.

  We set up our chairs, sprayed ourselves generously with bug spray and purchased a few bottles of wine.  A bottle of red for me, and a bottle of white for her along with two souvenir wine glasses.  We talked and talked and then talked a bit more.  The music was playing and it became more inviting.  So off my sister went to hoop a bit.  Before you knew it she had a following.  She is the Pied Piper of hooping!  I loved watching my sister.  She was living within her element and sharing joy! Not to mention that she gave a twelve year old girl a hoop to take home.  Magical was the word that described the night.

                                  

  I so enjoyed my night out with my sister.  I am very glad that I did not let the exhaustion overtake me and rob me of this experience.  I knew that in a few months my sister would be living several hundreds of miles away and I would not have such an opportunity at my fingertips.

Don’t underestimate the impact you have on someone……..

   Taking a few moments from your day to send a quick e-mail to someone may seem insignificant in the big scheme of things.  I never expected me doing so would merit such an honor.  In the fall I experienced my full circle moment. The one in which I realized that my words, deeds and actions affected the life of someone else.

 The past few years I have been attending a bi-weekly mediation group.  Meditation is a wonderful way to clear the clutter from your mind.  Along the way I have met several wonderful people.  Many of whom I am happy to call my friends.

  After eight months or so attending the meditation group I met a young woman.  She was confident, but a bit disenchanted.  She had written a book but was unable to find a publisher.  She knew it was a meaningful story, one that could assist others.  It was her experience as a thirteen year old when she lost her brother to suicide.  I felt for her, believed in her and encouraged her to stay the course.  I would send quotes of encouragement and publishing options I came across on the Internet.   This year she found a local publisher to showcase her work.

  I never realized the extent of my impact upon her.  We met for lunch this past fall.  It was the first and only time that we have met for lunch since I have known her.  After sharing much conversation and wonderful food she presented me with a copy of her book.  I was thrilled to hold her words within my hands.  However I was not prepared for what she revealed to me on the thanks and acknowledgements page…..there it was in black and white, my name.  Blown away…, without a doubt….you could have knocked me over with a feather!  Never in all my days did I feel as if I did anything to warrant such an honor. She also included a handwritten was a note of thanks.  Once again proving, never underestimate the impact that you can have on someone life……

Be kind to Others…..

  Remember, be kind to others.  Treat people the way that you want to be treated.  I have always subscribed to this belief but this past July this message spoke to me and unexpectedly returned a gift.

  While grocery shopping in Walmart on July 3^rd I was drawn to a certain checkout line and encountered a cashier who seemed sad and upset.  While packing my groceries I began a conversation with her and she opened up to me.  She was dealing with her own difficulties and I offered some comfort, support and a tiny bit of wisdom.  I understood her. I myself had struggled with similar difficulties. Upon my return home I could not shake our conversation and her sorrow.  I drove back to the store with a book for her, one that had helped me.  Never, ever did I imagine that this encounter would inspire me in such a way.  The next day I wrote my first blog.  I began to let go of the fear that I harbored about others perception of my words or their rejection.  My compassion for another enabled me to open my wings a bit and begin to fly within the world of the written word. 

 Be kind to others you never know what may lie around the corner….

Every Once in a While, Put Yourself First….

  Ahhhh….this is one of the more difficult lessons for us to learn.  However, every once in a while we do need to put ourselves, our desires and more importantly our dreams first.  September of 2011 I finally did it!  Armed with the generosity of my sister who gave me enough frequent flyer miles for an airline ticket to Phoenix Arizona I was headed out west for an adventure in Sedona. Sedona is known for its vibrant red rocks but more importantly the ability to awaken and renew your soul.   And awaken I did!  I spent five glorious days in peace.  I met many new people and pushed myself well beyond what I thought I could possibly do.   I have written much about this journey on this blog so I will not repeat it, but I will say this.  It was the first time that I truly put myself first and in doing so I renewed my spirit and opened my heart and mind to new possibilities. 

2011 Life Lessons…….

   I was coming to the end of my Survivor walk; I rounded the corner and headed toward my home. My thoughts turned towards gratitude.  This year I have watched more fireflies and hummingbirds.  I have seen more rainbows and shooting stars than ever before.  These are gifts that remind me of the beauty that surrounds me. I have spent time with many wonderful people.  I have learned so much from them.

 As I say goodbye to 2011 and hello to 2012 I remind myself that each moment is a gift.  Every moment contains unlimited potential, however I must choose the way in which I live them and experience them.  In 2012 I must continue to expand upon the lessons learned this past year. Focus on the positive rather than on the negative. Let go of the things that are out of my control and expend my energy on those things that I can affect. Seek out the beauty in my surroundings.  Take time for myself, dance, laugh, and love………..

  May 2012 be a year of health, happiness, love laughter and realized dreams for us all……… 

  As I was getting ready to publish this blog I noticed I had a text message.  I read “Meeting at Black Rock at 11:15 for a hike r u in?” The message was from a friend from meditation, the one who organized the June hike.  By the time I read the message it was 10:50.  I hurried around my friend said that they would wait for me. 

 Already a fabulous start to 2012, a hike up a beautiful mountain on an unseasonably warm winter day, in the company of three wonderful kindred spirits……..