Stop, Look and Listen.

 

 

As the alarm clock chimed on Wednesday morning I lay in my bed, opened my eyes and drifted into my senses.  Immediately I was aware of all that was lacking.  There was no sunlight streaming through the windows and the sounds from my feathered friends were absent.  It was 5:45 am and all was quiet, all was still.  As much as I fought it, the thought that crossed my mind was confirmed, when I open the sliding glass door and the chilly air entered the room and produced goose bumps on my skin. Fall is coming; summer is nearing its end.

  How did this happen so quickly?  It seemed as if it was just yesterday morning when I would awake to the bright sun light streaming through my bedroom curtains and I would be serenaded by the sweet tones of the robins that had set up home in the rafters of my deck.  I miss my morning songs and sunlight. Very soon the inpatients and petunias will be replaced by the aster and the mums.  Before you know it the green leaves will turn various shades of red, amber and gold.  My shorts and sandals will be replaced by sweatpants and sneakers. A sweatshirt will be my constant companion.   Each year summer seems like a fleeting journey, and as the years progress my dance with the summertime moves faster and faster. Just another reminder to acknowledge each day for all it provides. The challenges, lessons and peaceful moments, savor them.

  As noon approached I was sitting behind my desk answering calls, solving problems and pushing papers.  I took a moment and gazed up and looked beyond my computer screen, calculator and piles of work.  The wall of windows in my office beckoned me to them.  I peered out.  The sky was a deep clear blue.  The grass and trees richly green. I was reminded of the crispness of the morning.  I thought, “This is a wonderful day for a lunchtime walk.”  I keep a pair of sneakers in the car just for such an occasion.

  My mind told me I should work through my lunch and fulfill my obligations; my heart was singing a different song.  So out I went, I changed my shoes from my high heeled sandals to sneakers and headed up the hill beyond the office.  I have traveled this route so many times.  It is my dear friend during the fall, winter and spring months.  The summer is too hot to walk.  Well, actually I would walk in the summer if I did not have to return to the office.  Sweat, sunburn and matted hair do not make a great impression in the business community!

  I made my way to the top of the hill and continued along the straight away.  I was looking for photo opportunities as I am still breaking in my new phone/camera. I came across a heart within a piece of cement.

  However, I was drawn to the opposite side of the road so I crossed over.  As I walked along the trees, rag weed and brilliant purple flowers my mind began to empty and my heart began to fill.  I was one within the moment.  It was quiet, it was peaceful and it was reverent.  The sun was shining through the trees, the skies were clear and blue and my breaths were in sync with each step I took. What was awaiting me in my office no longer mattered.  Isn’t wonderful when all that is important comes into perspective within an instant?

 

  There were four Monarch butterflies moving about.  I stood silently still and watched.  They floated from bud to bud.  Each would land for a moment, rest, and move on.  I snapped a few pictures to record in my memory bank.

  As I walked a little further and the butterflies followed me.  I continued to watch them weave in and out of each reed and each flower.  They instinctively knew where they wanted to land.  They gathered all that they required from a spot and moved on.  I thought, much like each step a human takes.  We are guided to where we are to be, whether we realize it or not, and gather all that we need to nourish us……and move on.

 My gaze turned to a winged friend that landed in front of me.  Was it a butterfly, or a moth? What it was did not matter. What it did mattered.  Each flew into my day, into this moment with grace and purpose.  Doesn’t each and every move that we make hold a purpose? A pure reminder that the answer is yes, we just have to recognize and acknowledge it.  Each decision we make, each direction we turn to makes a difference.

  As I stood silent and still in that spot I felt as if there was no place else on this earth I was to be. The sun warmed my skin, but more importantly my soul.  And as it did I watched as a bumble bee gathered her pollen which is her life line and I thought…..

 

  …..there is no guarantee of a tomorrow, or for that matter another breath….

  …..there is so much beauty around us we just have to open our eyes to it…….

  ..… be grateful all that you have, it will sustain you…….

  …..each moment is a blessing….embrace it.

  ….there are no accidents.  Everything happens for a reason….hold on.

  …..keep connections alive.  All that you give will be returned to you in the moment you need it.

  …..smile; don’t be afraid to share your soul with the world we are all waiting to embrace it.    

   …….and stop, look and listen to each message that is around you.

   I continued on my walk. As I rounded the corner and moved up the hill I was now within a construction site.  I turned around and looked beyond the Townhouses that were being built with the confines of my quiet, lunchtime walk sanctuary.  And as I committed my last thought to memory above a new roof it appeared.   There it was a reminder from the Universe….a puffy white heart in the sky against a deep blue backdrop…Always remember take each step and to do all things with love……

Granular Moments

It is Sunday evening, the night before I return to work after a much needed week of vacation on Cape Cod.  Yes tonight I am sad, melancholy and angry, but not for the reason you may think.  Tomorrow going back to work is a privilege.  I am grateful for the same routine and tomorrow morning I am going to savor each moment more than I ever have, simply, because I can.

 Last Sunday night I had started working on a blog post.  These were my thoughts……

“Ahhhhh…..finally, vacation!  This is the one week out of the year that I have total control over each and every step I take.,  If I choose spend the day at the beach, I can.  If I want to read a book, I will.  If I decide to take an afternoon nap, I do. I can walk for as long as I would like because for this week I do not have to consult with the clock to see how many minutes are mine. This week everything is according to my time, I am in control. I am not confined between four walls, chained to a desk or sitting in a meeting staring out the window wishing I was outside breathing the fresh air rather than that has been conditioned.

  Yes, this week I am vacationing on Cape Cod with my family and some very close friends.  The Cape is peaceful playground.  Hundreds of thousands of people flock here each week to relax, rejuvenate and reconnect.  Life’s rules change when you step out of your car.  Everything slows down”.

 At the moment I committed these thoughts to paper it was truly the way I felt.  I loved my week on the Cape.  It included soul southing beach time, peaceful sunsets, and wonderfully fun kayaking adventures with my friend.  I lost myself in three wonderful and different memoirs, each story spoke to me in different ways but each conveyed the truth about remaining true to your heart.  There were times when the whole family was together, even if it was for a short while.  Laughs were abundant, good food shared, and heartfelt conversations were etched in our memories.

  During the week I kept connected through Facebook.  I posted pictures and videos of my adventures and read about my friend’s lives.   There was a post by a soon to be married friend talking about her married name.  If only her fiancé believed in hyphenated names hers would be so cool.  But she would by overwhelmingly happy with just the singular version. 

  On Saturday, the last day of my Cape Cod vacation this same friend posted this:

  Bittersweet thought for the day...two years ago today I lost my Mom to cancer... But in 20 days I am going to have a new mother (in law)..& I could not have asked for a better replacement!

 Upon reading this my soul lightened.  Not only did I know my friends struggles with the loss of her Mother, but I knew how happy she was to have found her soul mate.  To have another woman that you could call Mom and associate all of those comforting and nurturing feeling about is priceless.   I am so fortunate that my Mother is alive, but I did have that same type of loving relationship with my Mother-in-Law.  That is the title that society has tagged it as, but she too was my Mother.  My own Mother totally understands this connection for she had the same with my Father’s Mother.

  So upon my arrival back home I proceed out to run some errands. With my friend’s Facebook post clinging to my mind I made a mental not to contact a mutual friend regarding suggestions for a wedding gift.

 So adding insult to injury, not only was my vacation over but it appeared as if last night my magical Blackberry had died. For those of you who know me I have shared so very many special and heartfelt images with you.  I was able to revive her for a short while and went out this morning for a walk.  Shortly into the walk it became apparent that my magical Blackberry’s time was drawing near.  Not only was my time off from work waning, but would my run of beautiful photos come to an end? This afternoon reluctantly I headed out to the Verizon store to replace my companion of two years.  As my daughter said, “You are joining us on the dark side” I now have a new I-Phone.

  I could not sell my Blackberry back to Verizon for twenty eight dollars.  The pictures that it contains are worth so much more than that.  With my new I-Phone in tow I headed to Walmart to do my grocery shopping.  As I pulled into the parking lot my new phone sounded.  I thought that I had inadvertantly pocket dialed someone.  Not knowing what I was doing I began pressing buttons and icons.  It appeared that I had received a text message from a very busy, dear friend, one that I do not hear from often.  When I read the message my heart sank, my stomach knotted and my body was overcome with a fiery heat.  Could I be reading this message correctly?  Our mutual friend who had posted to Facebook about the two year anniversary of her Mother’s death lost her fiancé last night!!!!! How cruel, how unfair, how unfathomable!!  Why is it that some people experience the worst of the worst over and over while others of us don’t?

   All day this news has been weighing heavy upon my heart.  I know that there is nothing that I can do to alleviate my friend’s tremendous loss and her piercing pain.  I was reminded of my selfishness.  Here I was complaining about returning to work tomorrow morning and getting back to the routine………how she must be longing to awake to a routine Monday and know that this was just a horrible dream.  But now the empty side of the bed is her new, cruel reality.

  While I sat on the beach this week I, as I always, do picked up handfuls of sand and let the grains slowly pass through my fingers. As I felt each grain I lamented about all that was, all that was not, and all that has past.  Today, while living in my sadness I realized that each grain of sand is just like a moment in time.  This moment, this grain is all we have there is no promise of another grain or another moment.  So, tomorrow as I awake to return to work I do so with a humbled and heavy heart……………I am here, I can breathe and I can feel the grittiness of the grains of sand.