Gratitude or Greed

  Gratitude, so much has been written and conveyed about the meaning of this word.  Is it a thought, a feeling or an emotion? Some say it is state of mind, others believe gratitude is an attitude. I believe that true gratitude is a feeling that resides within the heart.  It is the point when you are truly content with where you are in your life and what you have.  There comes a moment when you realize that you are not longing for something more you have all that you need. Gratitude aligns with peace and it reflects contentment.

  Gratitude has one day a year designated in its honor.  In 1863 President Abraham Lincoln declared the fourth Thursday in the month of November as national day of gratitude. For the past one hundred and forty some years Americans have enjoyed quite times surrounded by family, friends feasts and of course football! Thanksgiving Day is purely a day to just be.  We share our homes and our hearts. Family traditions take precedence.  Traditions may be in the form of a particular dish that must be on the Thanksgiving table, or it may be a certain blessing that is always recited or a story told.  Some make it an annual event to volunteer their time. They serve a hot meal to those who otherwise would not have one. It is a time to reflect on our blessings whether they are large, small or somewhere in between.  

     This past Saturday I did my usual weekly grocery shopping at Walmart.  With my cart full I made my way to the cashiers stationed at register number twelve.  I always enjoy my conversations with the person scanning and bagging my purchases.  Saturday, stationed at register twelve was one of my favorite cashiers.  I wish I could share this woman’s name with you, but it escapes me.  I can tell you that she works extremely hard, smiles widely and believes in the goodness of life.

 

  As I was unloading my groceries from my cart and placing them on the conveyer belt I said to her “So how many turkeys have you scanned this week?”

 Her reply was “Really, not that many.”

 I was shocked.  I thought she was going to tell me how she threw out her back passing hundreds of twenty pound turkeys across the cash register scanner! 

  So then I asked “What are you doing for the holiday?  Cooking or visiting?” 

 “Neither” she replied.  “I am working.  I will cook my turkey on Monday and celebrate the holiday then.”

 “What?” I said.  “You are working?”

  “Yes” she answered. 

  “Walmart is open on Thanksgiving Day?” I asked. 

  “Of course” she said.

   I realize that there are people who have always had to work on holidays. Traditionally they were essential personnel, nurses, firemen and policemen.  As the years have progressed restaurant workers, movie theater operators were also pressed into duty on this holiday.  Soon thereafter cashiers, shelf stockers and cart wranglers arose from their slumber the day after Thanksgiving to man the stores for the five a.m. door buster Christmas shopping specials.  Many times they passed lines of people who camped out in front of the store the night before just so that they could get the latest electronic gadget or save an additional twenty percent off the purchase prices.

  Where has the simplicity of life gone, why do we need to shop on Thanksgiving Day instead of continuing to enjoy our family, friends and traditions?  At what point did corporate profits overtake the importance of gratitude?  “Black Friday” is the day that the retailers traditionally turn the red ink financial losses of the year into the black, or profits. The Friday referred to is of course the day after Thanksgiving.  But now “Black Friday” sales are creeping into Thanksgiving Day.  Walmart will be open all day and with the turkey and stuffing barely digested Target and Sears will open their doors at nine p.m.  Is getting a discount on a television set or a reduced price on an i-pad more important than spending time together? Has greed overtaken gratitude on our priority list?   When did possessions become more important than relationships?   How many people when facing their mortality voice their disappointment about not possessing more things during their life?  Isn’t the resounding regret shared that I wish I had spent more time with my family and friends?

     Here is a simple thought, if we don’t show up to shop on Thanksgiving Day or night for that matter the retailers may not open their stores at these times next year.  Take a stand and don’t allow commercial advertising and mounds of sales flyers to lure you into believing that you must shop on Thanksgiving to secure the best Christmas gifts. Enjoy Thanksgiving; don’t use it to prepare for Christmas!    

   Recently, the northeastern part of the United States experienced some very trying and difficult times.   A powerful force named Sandy slammed into our neighborhoods and up ended our lives.  Damages ranged from severe to moderate to relatively mild, but each of us was affected in some way.  I was fortunate to be limited to several broken tree branches and the loss of electricity for five days.  With each passing day that I was without power my frustration mounted.  But I kept saying to myself….at least I have a roof over my head and my family is with me.  I was not transported thousands of feet away by the wind, surf and sand.  I may be inconvenienced, but my family and I are okay, we are safe. I may have been cold and tired of living in the dark but I was grateful.

   The television news reports and internet pictures documented the damage sustained along the eastern shore lines.  I have listened to the person who now possess only that which resides upon their back and that within a small bag, and yet they speak about how grateful they are.  Their families are safe.  Then you see in the distance the possessions that had defined their lives are heaped within the piles of rubble being hauled off by a bull dozer. Even within their frustration and despair they are grateful.  As much as these people may need new items I doubt they will be shopping the Black Friday sales.  They do not have a permanent home to put the things in and they probably won’t for a long while to come. 

  No one can tell you to be grateful, it must come from within.  Gratitude has its own unique essence. you experience it, feel it and allow its warmth to cloak you.

   Thanksgiving night as I drift off to sleep wrapped within my warm bed, being both physically and emotionally full from enjoying my day of gratitude I will think the people who are in the stores working and shopping.  I will send them a wish and a hope.  My wish for them is to slow down and reflect on life’s simple gifts.  The ones that cannot be bought nor sold and I will hope that they will connect with the place within their hearts where gratitude resides.

 

A Day of Being and Butterfies

Journal Entry 5/7/2010,

   “I dream of a day that I can do what I want, when I want.  A little freedom, is it really too much to ask for?  Just one day where I am not beholden to the obligations and expectation of others?  If I want to go for a walk, I will.  If I want to read, I do so.  If I want to sleep, dance, kayak, hit golf balls or write I will. And all of this without Father Time hovering over my shoulder and telling me that I have things to do and places to be.  I don’t envision this dream ever coming true.  Really I don’t.  

 During most of my waking hours I march to the beat of a drum.  It is the drum of commitments and obligations. My mind falls in line each and every time, but my heart rarely does.  My heart wishes to explore, to breathe and be free.   I yearn for the simple moments to touch my taste buds of life and let them burst and expand.  What is like to experience a “me” moment?  Purely, I just want a day to BE.”

 And then unexpectedly dreams do come true.  September of this year I traveled to Whitefish Montana for a writing retreat. The trip was my fiftieth birthday gift to myself. This was a huge step in putting me first. The past several years I have been drawn to the cadence of the written word.  They convey thoughts and feelings that the numbers I have lived with most of my life do not. Words are raw and they are real.  Yes, numbers balance, they make sense.  But words are alluring.  They possess mystery, wit and wisdom but more importantly they invoke emotions.

  When I made my arrangements I decided to travel to Montana a few days prior to the start of the retreat. For the first leg of my journey I booked a homey rustic bed and breakfast that was recommended by the retreat instructor.    

  My first full day in Montana I was anxious to explore after enjoying a savory breakfast and friendly conversation with my fellow guests I asked the owner for some assistance in charting my sightseeing tour.  He was very accommodating. With pen and marker in hand he began to trace a route along the map.  He suggested a trip to East Glacier National Park.  It was a two hour drive from Whitefish but I was assured along the way there were some wonderful views.  The Lodge owner then asked “Do you have bear spray?”  Surprised I replied “No, I didn’t pack any. I don’t even know where or if they sell it in New York.”  He said “Would you like to take a canister along with you?”  “Of course” I said and in that moment I thought, hmmmm this IS going to be an adventure.

 

 I packed the bear spray along with some water, snacks, sunscreen, my journal, a pen and a camera in my sling bag.  I was all set to go when that all too familiar voice of doubt chimed in “Are you really sure you want to go out alone?”  In that instant I considered spending the day at the lodge reading and relaxing.  But then I said to myself “Go, seek and see!  You didn’t come here to sit and read.”  So off I went.

 It was a warm fall day.  The sun positioned itself high within the deep blue sky and it illuminate all the magnificence that resided below.  I was soaking in every element around me and appreciating each and every gift presented. Finally, I had a day with no obligations.  I was wearing a watch but it was purely a fashion accessory. Time was not a measurement that I needed to keep.  Where I was traveling, I knew no one, I had no obligations.  I wasn’t expected to be anywhere at any specific time.  I moved freely.  Where I wanted to go and what I wanted do was totally up to me.

As I drove towards East Glacier National Park I was in awe of the breathtaking beauty that surrounded me. The mountains wrapped me within their welcoming embrace. I noticed a pull off area next to a river so I stopped simply because I could.  I walked towards the shoreline and collected a few river rocks and sat along the bank and listened.  As the water effortlessly flowed the river sang me its life song. It was comforting and sweet.  It spoke of movement, travel and change it also whispered of life’s perfectly appointed ebbs and flows. Bliss I thought, this is pure bliss.  As I made my way back to my car I was joined by a Monarch Butterfly. The prior few weeks they had been appearing around me in New York and now they were with me in Montana.  Their message is clear.  This is a time of transformation.  As I neared the car I looked down and there was another message…..a pure white rock among all of the colorful river rocks and it was in the shape of a heart! 

  Along my way I stopped at Goat Lick Lookout.  The goats were hiding but I did look out.  Perched high upon the mountain top I snapped several pictures. Someday when my memories fade I will have the pictures to look at and recall my experience and reconnect with my feelings at that particular moment. As I walked I spoke to the people I met along the path.  Isn’t that what life is really all about?  Engaging those that you meet along your journey, we arrive at that same point for a shared reason, purpose or experience.

 I loved the ride to the Park.  There was so much natural beauty to absorb.  I entered East Glacier National Park and followed the signs to Eagle Falls.  As I was driving in I saw a young man walking up a hill on the right hand side of the road.  No big deal, a tourist walking I thought, but then from in front of him emerged a large, dark black figure that was walking on all fours.  Yes, it was a bear crossing the road!  I was so very grateful that I was behind the wheel of my rental car!

  When I arrived at Eagle Falls I took a picture of the placard that was situated at the entrance of the trail.  This is my way of marking my photos so I know where each series was taken.  As I snapped the picture I noticed an orange blur in the bottom right hand corner.  It was another Monarch Butterfly passing by.   I walked towards the falls and when I arrived I sat by the river and I began writing my journal. I felt compelled to capture my feeling on the page.  I was grateful for the sunshine, the sky, for my freedom and for life.

  Scattered along the sides of the river were deliberately stacked river rocks. I wondered who had created these purposeful gifts and left them behind for others to enjoy. What was their intent and more importantly their story? Why did one rock precede the other? These impromptu statues intrigued me and caused me to think about the layers of our lives. Each section of the statue represented a different phase or stage of our lives and each was perfectly aligned and placed.

  As I was enjoying myself on this leg of my journey I encountered a family sharing the day.  The son and wife were exploring but the husband stopped to talk with me. He was friendly and accommodating and graciously he shared his knowledge about the Park.  With his map in hand he pointed out the next places I should visit.  We finished our conversation and he rejoined his family.

  In awe I watched the falls and took a few more pictures.  And what do you think was around me during this whole time?  Yes, another Monarch Butterfly. I understand the message. Much like a caterpillar emerging from its chrysalis I am changing, morphing and growing into a new form of me. 

  With each step I took the experience became fuller and richer. I drove to Two Medicine Lake.   When I saw the lake it stole my breath and spoke to me with deep reverence.  It was expansive and majestic.  With the steep mountains closely encasing the lake I felt safe and protected.   I had entered a womb created by Mother Nature.  As the lake gently rolled upon the shore and touched the rocks along the outer edges of her reach the water ignited their colors, with each pass the rocks became more vibrant and alive.  Isn’t this how life is?  Don’t people or events travel into your life with the purpose of igniting your passion or to restore your vibrancy?

  Two Medicine Lake in East Glacier National Park is purely heaven on earth, nothing more to say. When you step onto upon river rocks that line the shore they gently whisper to you.  Their colors enter your soul. They say wherever you are along your path you are just where you are meant to be. If your step causes the rocks to shift, that too is okay.  And contained therein is another life message, when a shift occurs, either large or small, it just means that your path is meant to readjust and realign.  Go with it…just be. 

  After sitting by the lake for a while I decided to take a short hike to Serenity Point.  The path was quiet. On the way up I did not encounter another person.  But I did see evidence of life, animal droppings.  I thought of the bear spray in my backpack and I realized that in my haste to get on the road and start my adventure I had not read the directions.  Now that was really “smart” I thought. If I encounter a bear I would have to say. ”Oh Mr. Bear wait, I need to put my glasses on and read the instructions before I can spray you!”  As quickly as that thought came to my mind I released it and along with the thought I sent my fear packing.  I knew it was not my day to come face to face with a bear.

It is apparent why that spot in the Park is called Serenity Point.  That is the feeling that overcomes you when you stand there. It is quiet, serene and so very peaceful.  And as much as I wanted to stay there I knew that my day of exploration was nearing its end.  I made my way back towards my car and as I did a Monarch Butterfly flew before me.  Once again, I was blessed by another perfectly simple gift.

  Upon my return to the lodge I enjoyed a glass of wine on the deck that adjoined my room.  As the sun retreated for the day so did I.  I enjoyed a warm sea salt bath and then went to bed.  As I wrapped myself in the blankets and I relived the moments of the day. Each moment is a snapshot in time.  However in each and every one that day I was present, totally present.  I simply enjoyed whatever appeared before me.  Every moment mattered and not one was wasted.

  As I was drifting off to sleep I was reminded of something that occurred on my drive back from the Park.  As I was leaving I picked up a sandwich at a little store located near the Park’s entrance.  I ate it while I was driving.  With the sandwich in my right hand and my left hand on the steering wheel in the twelve o’clock position I was heading towards the descending sun.  Suddenly the windshield wipers made a single pass along the glass.  It was not of my doing.  My hands were nowhere near windshield wiper controls.  This was a final message from the Universe.  It said, “I know you enjoyed every moment of your long overdue day of being, just purely and simply being. And perhaps now your heart’s vision is clear.”