Tuesday with Dot

 

  Have you ever prepared a meal with the intent of simply providing nourishment for your body but find that it nourished your soul exponentially?

  A couple of Sundays ago I made a beef stew. It was a six quart cast iron pot of goodness. The usual fare was involved; carrots, onions, peas, potatoes and marinated beef but this recipe also contained mushrooms, sundried tomatoes, garlic and rosemary!  As enjoyable as it was, I knew that my husband and I would never eat all of the leftovers.  Of course freezing them for future use is always an option. But I know myself.  Those containers with the remaining meals are safely tucked away for another day.   Somehow in my house they seem to find a long term or, okay, a retirement home in the back of the freezer. Usually they crystalize beyond recognition and ultimately end up in the garbage.  So I thought, why not share them with someone other than the garbage can.

  At first I thought I would give the leftovers to my parents.  But when I reviewed the list of ingredients I realized that at least three of them were on my Dad’s “do not consume list”!  The next person who crossed my mind is the Mother of a friend.  Through the daily news feed of Facebook I knew that this woman was suffering from a severe back ailment.  Each post screamed with her pain and discomfort. Maybe a little home cooking would lighten her load and brighten her day.

 In the few years that I have known Dot her whit is always sharp, her presence clear and her laughter abundant.  Actually, her family’s interactions always remind me of the television show “Everybody Loves Raymond”.  It is not as much the subject matter that draws the parallel but rather the constant good hearted jabbing that is always supported by an undercurrent of love.  I have witnessed this firsthand both in person and in the cyber world.  More often than not I find myself laughing out loud while I am in their company or reading their passionate and extremely humorous banter.

  With pain consuming her Dot’s presence in the cyber world had been diminished.  That night as I was cleaning the dishes and packing the leftover stew I sent Dot a message and offered to drop some by her place. She lives with her large tabby cat Pachelbel. As many talents that he may possess I know cooking is not one of them! I had remembered that in a Facebook post a week earlier Dot was thanking the people in her life for all they had done to help her during this difficult time.  Chauffeuring, grocery shopping and cleaning were all mentioned, but there was not one mention of cooking.  In response to the post I asked,

  “Who has the cooking covered?”

  Dot joking replied; “That would be you! I am awaiting a bowl of chicken noodle soup.”

  I didn’t have soup but I had stew and that would suffice.  We made plans for me to drop by her place on Tuesday during my lunch hour.  When I contacted her Dot was probably wondering “WT*?”.  We had met a few times, shared group meditation experiences, but this an unsolicited offer for sure.  I know Dot through her daughter.  Her daughter came into my life at a time when I realized that the way I have lived for forty plus years no longer brought me joy or peace.  Dot’s daughter is fifteen years my junior but she has been one of my greatest teachers.  Her daughter showed me how to settle my mind and connect with the peace that resides within.  As a professor of life she did not simply lecture about the ways to move to this place of comfort but she traveled along with me.  She was not immune to the pain of the journey actually she too was meandering along a similar river of self-discovery.  We opened the locks and shored the dams and sometimes we resided within the same muck! As time progressed and we arrived at the junction where the rivers intersect she chose to flow with one current and I the other.  I am forever grateful for her teachings and influence on my life. 

So why not share some beef stew with her Mother who was dealing with severe physical pain?  Dot left the front door unlocked for me. Getting up and down is not only time consuming for her but also painful.  I let myself in and was immediately greeted by Pachelbel the guard cat.  As I unpacked my gifts I was never out of his sight. 

 I sat on the couch.  Dot was in her motorized recliner, the kind that can be raised up or the back panel adjusted with the simple touch of a button on a keypad. Pachelbel the guard cat settled on a spot between us.  He was on the couch but close to Dot’s chair.  After a kiss and a hug the conversation began.  I asked how she was feeling and if there was anything that I could do to assist her. She asked about the recent camping adventure that I had posted on Facebook. Every five to ten minutes Dot tapped a button on her remote control and repositioned her chair in the attempt to alleviate her pain.

  Pachelbel allowed me to pet him.  With each stroke he kept me within his gaze.  Suddenly he lifted his paw, extended his claws and sucker “pawed” me with a left to my hand.  Dot yelled “Pachelbel!  Stop!”  I was fine, just a little swipe, but I received the message loud and clear.  He was watching me.  One wrong or hurtful move towards his companion and I would receive much worse!

 Our conversation flowed effortlessly.  There was not one moment of awkward silence.   I asked about her prognosis and treatment options. She listened as I chatted about a few recent life altering trips that I had taken.   We discussed the fears that we have when we meet the major junctures in life’s crossroads and the innate need that we have as women to nurture and renew ourselves. 

  Dot has lived within the comfortable confines of laughter for years but she has existed within hallows of pain for many more.  Before she had the chance to let go of his hand and allow him to board the kindergarten bus, she buried her third child.  It did not matter how deeply she loved him, how tightly she held him or how softly she sang him his favorite lullaby.  Her young son moved on.  She is no stranger to pain physical or emotional.  

  Our time together flew.  I was well over my allotted hour for lunch. I ration each of my vacation hours like a gallon of gas during the energy crisis of the 1970’s.  I’m always looking for the best and most economical use of the gallon or in this case the hour.  When I returned to work I was happy to deduct that extra hour from my bank of allotted vacation. I appeared on this woman’s doorstep with some leftover beef stew, a few books a plant and some chocolate but I left with a full heart.

 Several years back the author Mitch Ablom wrote the book “Tuesdays with Morrie”.   It told the story of the time he spent with his former college professor who was battling ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease).  As the Tuesday visits progressed Mitch realized that what began with his simple intent to assist his mentor became one of the greatest gifts he gave himself.  His story is plural.  He spent many Tuesdays with Morrie.  I spent one Tuesday with Dot but felt equally enriched by our visit.  I hope to spend a few more Tuesday’s in her company.  Maybe I’ll make that chicken noodle soup and stop by to see her again. 

 

“The most important thing in life is learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.”
― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays With Morrie