The Flames of Life

Fulfillment requires two things.  First a deep desire and second the unbridled passion to make it happen.  One of my recent fulfilling life experiences evolved over a cup of coffee with a dear friend.

  I am fortunate to live just over a mile away from a woman who has rescued me in more ways that I can share.   If you examine our birth certificates she is nine years my senior.  According to her actions she is at least nine years my junior!  If the truth be told, I am happy living in the shadow of a junior who is really my senior.  She evokes uncontrollable laughter from me.  And through the years she has gently pointed out the simple joys in life when I did not believe any existed. 

  How, you ask?  Well, I have the toys to prove it!  They include a cherry red kayak, a pair of snow shoes with matching trekking poles and a sleeping bag that has a lifetime prepaid pass that entitles me to a bed where I can unfurl my sleeping bag in her pop up camper.

  Fran and I lived three townhouses away from one another in the late 1980’s.  It wasn’t until our toddling children wandered into one another’s yard in the early 1990’s that our friendship began.  With each flip of the calendar our connection grew. In recent years something shifted. The wander lust that our children had possessed in the 1990’s had now become part of our DNA.

  A few months ago while out for a Saturday morning walk I stopped at Fran’s for a cup of coffee and some conversation. Still in the throes of very cold and snowy winter our talk turned to sunshine, warmth, kayaking, camping and beaches.  Once again Fran shared her lifelong dream of having a campfire on the beach. That morning, along with the coffee, ideas and possibilities for adventure were brewing.

  “This year Michael and I have different spring breaks” Fran shared.  “I would love to go camping and find a place where I can have a campfire on the beach”.  “But the only place I have found is at the far end of Cape Cod and that is a five and a half hour ride.  That is too far to drive for a few days.”

  Her though pattern didn’t sit right with me. “Really, five and a half hours is too far to drive to live a dream?  How can you place limits on something that you have always wanted to do?  We have had this conversation many times before.  It is obviously something that you really wants, not to mention it is on my list too.”

  As I shared those thoughts I could sense a shift in Fran’s demeanor.  It was as if the sunshine was pushing through to burn off a heavy dense fog. With the thought clenched tightly within her heart her passion was like storm waters on the brink of bursting the dam.    Yup, I can sense it.  The trip was going to happen.

 So the campsite in Truro, MA was secured and the planning commenced.  There were three of us signed up for the adventure among the woods, wind, sand and surf!  Perfect!

  Within three hours of arrival camp was setup.  We began our exploration.  The first stop was the beach.  All it took was one breath of the briny ocean air and I was instantly at peace.  Next we visited the light house and we decided to watch the sun set and dine in Provincetown. It was a full Saturday but Sunday was the designated campfire on the beach day.

  The next morning after breakfast was cleaned up we ventured into town to secure our permit for the beach fire.  With the paper in hand and the instructions to call in for a final authorization between four and six o’clock (due to high winds) we headed out to explore the neighboring towns and beaches.

  We enjoyed our adventures and savored the laughter.  We did not rush the day but the thoughts of our planned evening activity burned within.  With each beach and bluff we visited not one of us uttered a word about the strong whipping winds.  Silently we all worried about the possibility of our dream being postponed.

   After an early dinner with fingers, toes and minds crossed the call was placed to the fire station. The camper canopy was flapping in the breeze the thumbs up sign was given! Yes, tonight desire and passion were going collide to fulfill a dream!

  It was one of those “ready, set, go” moments. The car was instantly packed with snacks, clothes, fire wood, chairs and whatever else we believed we were going to need.  Okay, we probably had half of the camp in tow but we didn’t want to forget anything. 

  Once at the beach giddy and gabbing we carried everything from the car (well, Fran threw the firewood down the dunes) to the beach and we selected a spot to set up camp. It was six o’clock the sun was just beginning its decent for the day.  The tides were gently and rhythmically rolling upon the shore and a sense of calm settled in.

  Fran dug a hole in the sand that would act as our fire pit.  The kindling was arranged in a teepee along with some dryer lint in a toilet paper holder as a homemade starting agent.  But as the daylight diminished for a short while so did out hopes.  The fire was giving us fits. It would ignite for a moment then go out.  It could have been the wind or it may have been the dampness but we weren’t going to be defeated. After lighting, relighting and realigning we tossed a store bought “fire starter” into the mix.  It was simply a reminder that life does not unfold to our predesigned plan.  We must be willing to shift our course. That fire starter did the trick.  It was the catalyst that ignited our dream.

       The fire was finally burning. The sun was setting in the west as the moon was rising in the east.  The blueness of the sky was deepening.

Soon dark blue melded in black.

Fran was holding one of her sneakers in her hand.  She shook it around and told each of us to select an item from within.  We protested.  Touching something that was in Fran shoe was a no-no.  But after much laughter and many protests we obliged.

  From that sneaker each of us selected a white circular shell; each shell was in a different place of its evolution.  Fran asked us to examine the shell and relate it to our life.  We were asked to those thoughts for later discussion.

  I looked at my shell. The tip of it was broken off but the spire in the center, its core, was still steadfast in its direction.  Hmmm, yes, I thought.  Some area of my life may be chipped but at my core I am still steadfast and strong.

  Our fire was burning wood at a pace faster than we had anticipated. Not wanting the evening to end too soon we each took turns scouring the beach and dunes for more wood.   As I wandered from the fire for my wood gathering mission I could hear my friends discussing life events, worthiness and perceptions.  I hesitated.  Should rejoin the group or should I walk away?  I opted to return.    

 As the fire heated up so did our conversation.  It would not be fair to share the details here.  Some things are bound to reside between friends, but suffice it to say you know the topics we touched upon, worthiness, acceptance, entitlement, connection, freedom and living a heartfelt life.  In the darkness that was graced by the moon light from above and the fire below we shared the scars that have been etched upon our souls. With each rolling wave each of us released a hurt, a disappointment or a fear.  On this evening Mother Nature not only held our hearts but refueled them.

 The clock was now nearing ten.  We knew our time on the beach with fire was drawing near.                           

 As required by the permit we brought a jug of water to cool the burning embers.   Fran opened the jar and poured the water on the burning embers. As the water met the smoldering fire remains a burst of scorching steam erupted. The loud sizzling and bold hissing was a dramatic crescendo accentuating the culmination of a perfect evening. As the elements intermingled and the melded entity rose above so did any heart heaviness that we had brought along with us.   

  For my friend this evening was a check mark engraved on her “bucket list” for me the check mark was etched on my “life list”.  I prefer to focus on the positive, living rather than the ending, dying.  As the fire waned we all sensed that it was time to go. It is usually at this moment of realization that the experience is approaching its end that I become sad that it is over.  However, on that night I did not feel sadness.  I was full with gratitude for every beautiful moment, each stiff breeze, rolling tide and grain of sand. More importantly I was thankful for my friends.  We shared our stuff, all of it, the giddy, the silly, the painful and most importantly, the heartfelt.  Like the flames we were burning to feel alive.

  When we returned to camp we found that the high winds that miraculously did not interfere with our campfire on the beach had dislodged the screened tent houses lead ropes.  Fran decided to tie the loosened ropes to an adjoining tree for the night.  As I held the screened tent and she tied the rope we were serenaded by a southing hooting.  It was a perfect ending to the night….. The wisdom that we had gathered at the beach was being reinforced from the wise owl perched above.  This is what we heard:

 

  Girlfriends connect with the very best in us and call us on the weight of our baggage.  They hold our hearts while we find our way and help us lighten our load.

  Pursue your dreams, don’t sit back and hope that they will materialize. Action creates reality.

  Meaningful experience materialized from connection not from material possessions or wealth.

  When you truly live in the present moment, time becomes expansive.

  Don’t put two quarters in the shower timer.  Six minutes is more than enough time to clean up.  The other six minutes you paid for simply pours down the drain.  It is a waste of time and resources.

  Most importantly, women need their girlfriends because they will be beside you as you chase your dreams.

 

  May you too have your “campfire on the beach”.